When I Pretend
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Songfic. Lance contemplates his relationship with Kitty after 'Mainstream'.


When I Pretend  
By TheLostMaximoff  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Linkin Park, "Lying From You", X-Men: Evolution or anything except this story. After listening to this song it just seemed to click with Lance and Kitty after 'Mainstream'. R/R if you like, my first song fic so be kind.  
  
Stupid. That's what he'd been to think it could work out any different than it had. Lance drove along uncharted roads as he forced himself to remember what had just happened. 'Right. I'll never be good enough for you.' The radio was on, what station or CD Lance didn't give a damn at the moment.  
  
When I pretend everything is what I want it to be  
I look exactly like what you always wanted to see  
When I pretend I can forget about the criminal I am  
Stealing second after second just 'cause I know I can  
  
How could he have expected to work things out with Kitty? She was too clean, too good, and too out-of-his-league to have a relationship with. She didn't know he had been lying to her this whole time, putting up a front to try and blend in with her world. Lance was sick of it and so he finally let Kitty see what Avalanche was really like.  
  
But I can't pretend this is the way it'll stay I'm just  
(trying to bend the truth)  
I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be so I'm  
(lying my way from you)  
  
What choice did he have? She hated Avalanche, the elected leader of the Brotherhood after Mystique left, so he thought maybe if he tried to be Lance again for a little while she'd like him instead. That worked until he had to go back to being Avalanche. Then everything, like usual, came tumbling down around them.  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
I wanna be pushed aside so let me go  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
Anywhere on my own cuz I can see  
  
The very worst part of you is me  
  
She was right. He was just some stupid juvenile delinquent out to get his kicks in and die young. He would never be anything but a young punk with a hard-edged life who was heading down the road to nowhere. That's all he was and he would never be anything else to anyone, especially her.  
  
I remember what they taught to me  
Remember condescending talk of who I oughta be  
Remember listening to all of that and this again  
So I pretended up a person who was fittin' in  
  
He was tired, tired of all the standards. He was tired of trying to be the good son his dozens of foster families had so desperately wanted him to be, tired of being the big brother to the rest of the guys and helping keep them all together while his own life was falling apart, tired of trying to think he and Kitty could ever work out.  
  
And now you think this person really is me and I'm  
(trying to bend the truth)  
But the more I push the more I'm pullin' away cuz I'm  
(lying my way from you)  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
I wanna be pushed aside so let me go  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
Anywhere on my own cuz I can see  
  
The very worst part of you is me  
  
Fine. Let her go out into the fire. Let the whole damn world play their tug-o-war. He was through, he was out. Lance Alvers was tired of owing people favors and fighting for them. The whole world could just go to hell but as long as he had the Brotherhood he didn't care. There was nothing else to care about anymore.  
  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what  
  
I said would have you runnin' from me  
  
Like this  
  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what  
  
I said would have you runnin' from me  
  
Like this  
  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what  
  
I said would have you runnin' from me  
  
Like this  
  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what  
  
I said would have you runnin' from me  
  
Like this  
  
"Someone should tell Toad his taste in music sucks," he said to himself as he ejected the CD and put it back in its case. He had heard it so many times he let the last chorus play in his head.  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
I wanna be pushed aside so let me go  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone  
  
(No, no turning back now)  
  
Anywhere on my own cuz I can see  
  
The very worst part of you is me  
  
`This is the real you isn't it? You're nothing but a hood!'  
  
`Right. I'll never be good enough for you.' 


End file.
